How to Correct Your Mistake

Bruce Harvey from Albuquerque, New Mexico, had made a mistake in full salary payment of an employee that given permission not to come to work because of sickness. When he found his mistake, he told the employee and explained that to correct the mistake, he had to credit his salary with all of his previous excess amount. The employee begged because of the reduceness could make a serious monetary problem, "Can the money be paid later?" For this to be done, Harvey said, he would ask for the supervisor agreement. "And for that i know," said Harvey,"will give result an exploding anger boss style." When I tried to decide how to handle this situation better, I realized that all of this situation was my mistake, and I would admit it in front of my boss.


I walked in to his room, told him that I had made a mistake, then I told him the fact. He answered angrily, that it was Personalise Department mistake. I repeated that it was my mistake. He exploded again about Accounting Department being careless. Once again I explained that it was my mistake. He blamed another two persons. But every time I repeated it was my mistake. At last, he saw me and said,"Okay, it was your mistake. Now solve it." The problem finished and nobody got a problem. I felt very happy because I can handle this tight situation, and I had a courage not to made any alibi. Since that time, my boss become more respect to me.


Every stupid people can defend his mistake - and almost all stupid people do that - but to admit his own mistake lift someone to the top of his group and give him a noble and happy feeling.


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If you make a mistake, admit it quickly and symphaticly

What Smile Can Do II

At a dinner party in New York, one of the guest, a woman enthusiastically wanted to make impression to all of the people. She had used her money to buy furred-coat, diamond and pearl. But she hadn't done something to her face. Her face showed egoistic and gloomy. She wasn't aware what all people know ; expression reflected from someone face is much more important than cloth he/she wear.



Charles Schwab said that his smile valued one million dollar. And he might say the truth to me. Because of his personality, attractiveness, ability to make people like him, almost all become the reason of his great success; and one of the factor that it is very pleasant in his personality is his attractive smile.



Actions talk louder than words, and a smile means, "I like you. You make me happy. I like to meet you."



That's why dogs make impression like that. They are very happy to meet us that we become happy to meet them too.

Secret in Giving a Command

Nobody like to be commanded. So how to give your command to someone? See below

Anger caused by one rude command, may end for a long time. Even if that command is given to correct an exactly bad situation. And Santarelli, a school teacher in Wyoming, Pensylvania, told how one of his student had blocked the entry to one of the school garage by parking his car there. One of the instructor enter the class, and he asked with rough intonation, "Whose car was parked in front of the entry?" When the student own the car answer, the instructor shout, "Move it, move it now, or I will set a chain and pull it from there."


The student was wrong. The car shouldn't be parked there. But from that day, not only that student who hate the action of the instructor, but all of the student in the class tried to do anything to give the instructor a difficulty and made his work become unpleasant. I bet his relationship with his friends was bad too.


How could he handle it with a different way? If he said with a polite attitude, "Whose car is blocking the way?", and then give a suggestion that if the car is moved, the other cars could go through, and the student would gladly move his car, then he and his friends wouldn't angry and hate him.


Asking a question will not only make a command heard more pleasant, that method often move other people you asked creativity. Other people prefer to receive command if they are participate in making the decision that make it come out.

A Secret for a Successful Conversation

What is the secret for a successful conversation and relationship? According to the previous Harvard President, Charles W. Eliot,"There's no mystery in successful conversation...Only one : full attention to the person who is speaking to you, that's really important. There's no better flattering thing."

Eliot himself is a master in art of listening in the past time. Henry James, the first big novelist of America, said : "Listening, which Dr. Eliot meant is not only idly listening. He sat still on his chair, not making any move except rolling his thumbs faster or slower, he looked at the one speaking to him and seemed listening with his eyes and ears. He listened with his mind, and focus thinking of what you were saying while you were saying it.. At the end of the conversation, the people to whom he had spoken with felt that he understood of what he tried to say."


The people who only speaks about themselves only think about themselves. And "The people who only speaks about themselves," Dr. Nicholas Murray Butler, president of Columbia University, said : "No doubt, are uneducated people. They are uneducated people," said Dr. Butler, "No matter how great they are taught."


So, if you want to be a good speaker, be a full of attention good listener. To be attractive, be attracted to other people. Ask questions that other people will be glad to answer. Encourage them to speak about themselves and their success.

Remember that people to whom you talk is one hundred times more interested with themselves and their desires, also their problems, compared to their interests to you and your problems. Somebody's toothache is more important to him than a big famine in China that killed a million people. Pain in his throat is more interesting to him compared to 40 earthquakes in Africa. Think about it when you start a conversation or try to make a relationship with someone.

Be a good listener. Motivate other people to speak about themselves.

You Can't Win a Debate

You can't win in a debate. You can't, because if you lose, you lose. And if you win, you lose too.


Why?

If you win in your debate with your friend and prove it to them so his/her argument is full of hole.

So what?

You will feel happy.

But what about your friend?

You've made him/her feel ashamed. You've hurt his/her pride. Your friend will hate you victory.

And what?

Your relationship with your friends will become worse.


Someone who was convinced to oppose his/her opinion will remain hold it.



How to prevent disagreement to avoid debate :


1. Respond well the disagreement

"If two friend always agree, one of them isn't needed." If there is something you haven't thought yet, thank God if it told to you. Maybe this disagreement is your chance to be corrected, before you make a serious problem.


2. Don't trust in your first impression of your instinct

Our first natural reaction in a bad condition is to be defensive. Be careful. Calm down and see your first reaction. Maybe that is your worst part, not your best part.


3. Control your emotion

Remember, you can measure how big is someone by the things made him/her mad.


4. Hear it first

Give a chance to your opponent to talk. Let them finish. Don't reject it, defend yourself or debating. All of this will only rise the wall between you and your opponent. Try to build an agreement bridge. Don't build a wall taller than misunderstanding.


5. See for the area you agree

If you've heard your opponents words, think the area you agree first


6. Be honest

See for the area you can take mistake, and tell it. Apologize for you mistake. This will help to disarm your opponent and reduce his/her defense.


7. Commit to think about your opponent's opinion and think about it well

Do it seriously. Your opponent may be right. Far more easy to think their opinion than you move forward and make your position where you opponent can say : "We've tried to tell you, but you won't listen"


8. Appreciate your opponent honestly for his/her interest

Everyone that want to share his/her time to disagree with you it means that he/she interested in the same thing with you. Think about them as the people who really want to help you,, and you may can change you enemy to your friend


9. Don't rush, give time to both side to think about the problem

Suggest the next meeting hold in that day or tomorrow, when all facts can be brought. When you prepared this meet, ask yourself this difficult questions :
Is he/she right? Half right? Is there a truth on their argumentation? Is my reaction will solve the problem or it will only make things harder? Will I lose or win?


Don't gamble your relationship with others. Let others win and you will not lose your relationship

Symphatize Other People

Sol Hurok may be a number one American impresario. For almost half century, he handles many popular artists, like Chaliapin, Isadora Duncan, Pavlova. Hurok got his first lesson in handle the temperamental stars, that is need to get sympathy, sympathy and more sympathy about their specialty.

For three years, he is an impresario for Feodor Chaliapin, one of the biggest bass singer that ever shake rooms in metropolitan. But Chaliapin always make a constant problem. He acts like spoiled child. Like Hurok said in his own expression : "He is a very hard man at any way. "

For example, Chaliapin will call Hurok in the mid day when he will sing and say,"Sol, I feel really bad. My throat is like uncooked hamburger. There's no way I can sing this night." Will Hurok debate with him? No. He really is understand an entrepreneur can't handle artists that way. So he will come as soon as possible to Chaliapin's hotel, show his sympathy. "What a pity," he will be gloomy. "Of course, you can't sing. I will cancel the contract soon. That show will only make you lose a few thousand dollar, but it's nothing compared to your reputation."

Then Chaliapin will say,"Ah, maybe you should come to me again later. Come at 5 and see my condition that time."

At 5, Hurok will come to Chaliapin's hotel, show his sympathy again. Once again he will force him to cancel the contract, and once again Chaliapin will say,"Ah, maybe you should come to me again later. I may be better that time."

At 7.30, that big singer will agree to sing, only if Hurok want to step outside to the Metropolitan stage, announce that Chaliapin was attacked by flu and his voice isn't good. Actually Hurok is lying and say that he will do it, because he knows that is the only way to bring the singer out to the stage.


So, if you want to attract other people with your way of thinking, do this. Sympathize other people's idea and desire. That way you will also make a good relationhip

What People Want

Do you like fishing? When you go fishing, you prepare the bait. What do you usually use as a bait? I, personally, really like cheese. But for some weird reason, fish really like worm. So when I go fishing, I don't use the bait what I like. I don't use cheese, but I use worm as the bait. I show it in front of the fish and say, "You want this worm, right?"


Why don't you use this logic when you go fishing somebody?


Lloyd George, minister of England who was popular in world war 1, do that. When somebody asks him how he can succeed to remain dominating while other leader - Wilson, Orlando, and Clemenceau - have been forgotten. He answered that his position is remain on top maybe caused by one thing, that thing is his result of learning that we need to set the bait which suit with the fish.


Why must we talk about what we want? That's Absurd. Of course, you are interested in the things you want. You will be interested in that things forever. But nobody is interested. All of us are like you, we are interested in what we want.



So the only way in this world to influence people is talk about what they want and show them how to obtain it.



Remember it when you try to influence someone to do something. If you don't want your children smoking, don't give lecture to them, and don't talk about what you want. But show them that smoking can make them unable to participate in basketball team or can't win 100 meter sprint.


This is a good thing to be remembered when you face children, adult, wife, husband, boss, everyone.

How to Get Cooperation

Let Other People Feel Like The Idea is Their Idea

Don't you feel far more easy to accept your idea you found than idea given to you on a silver plate? If so, isn't it a bad idea to force your opinion to somebody's throat? isn't it wise if you give your suggestion and let other people think the conclusion?


Adolph Seltz from Philadelphia, Sale Manager in car exhibition, held a meeting. He asked the employee to tell him, what they like him to do. As he spoke, he wrote their idea on blackboard. Then he said,"I'll give you the quality you expect from me. Now I want to tell you, what right I can get from you." The answer came real fast : loyalty, honesty, initiative, optimism, cooperation, enthusiastic eight-hours work. An employee even willing to work 14 hours a day voluntarily. And Seltz report that the increment of sale is really amazing.


"The people have made a moral agreement with me," Seltz said," and as long as I responsible to my role in it, they too are decide to responsible to they role. Do a consultation with them about their expectation and desire is a bulls-eye they need.


No one like to think that he/she is being sold or ordered to do something. We far more happy if we buy with our own desire, or do something with our own idea. We like to discuss about our expectation, desire, and thought.


"The reason why ocean accept honor from a hundred river in mountain is because ocean remain under them. So, they can control all current mountain river. The wise, if he expect to be above everybody, he take a position under them; if he expect to be in front of them, he positioned himself behind them."

Make A Good Relationship With This Concept

Have you heard of Dale Carnegie? He is a man who has many brilliant ways to have good relationship with others. His mastery of psychology help him to tell what is best to do to other people. I will rewrite a few his words from his book "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

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A Drop Of Honey

If your anger come and you scold someone, you will have a good time to express your feeling. But, how about the person you scold? Will he experience your happiness? Will your angry intonation, cruel attitude, can make him agree with you?

There was a fairytale about sun and wind. They are arguing to determine who is stronger. The wind say, "I'll give you a proof that i am the strongest. Do you see that old man with his coat? I bet that i am capable to pull his coat faster than you."

So the sun move behind the cloud, then the wind blow powerfully like tornado, but the more powerful he blow, the more tight the old man hold his coat.

At last the wind become silent and give up, then the sun appear from behind the cloud and smile friendly to the old man. Now, the old man wipe his eyebrow and take off his coat. Then the sun say to the wind that friendliness and gentleness always stronger than power and anger.

Application of friendliness and gentleness is showed from day to day by the people who've already learned that "a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall."

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The sun is a master of relationship, but the wind isn't. The sun makes the old man think that he is safe to open his coat. It is the same with your relationship with others. You won't tell your secret to someone whom characteristic is bad right? It's not safe to tell them your secret.

"A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall" is my favourite line. When you scold other people even if he is wrong, the people you scold will defend his dignity. You ruin his dignity when you tell him he is wrong. But if you behave friendly and gentle, the person will response the same way you do to him.